Oh Pun Your Browser You Don't Have to Go To the Theater
to Get A Play on Words
By: John Shepler
A group of championship chess players checked into a hotel
and, while waiting for dinner, stood around in the lobby bragging
about their recent tournament victories. This went on for about
an hour until the manager stormed out of the office and ordered
them to disperse. Buy why?", they asked, moving away. "Because,"
he roared "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open
But enough of the holiday season. Let's see what we can find
on the web in the way of puns, word play, funny stories and general
Joan Meyer offers the California smog test: Can UCLA?
Hmmmm. Is that clear? How about John Edmo's story about the
cannibal who had a wife and ate kids?
OK, something more
scientific. Two atoms run into each other. One atom says, "
I think I lost an electron." The second atom asks, "Are
you sure?" The first atom replies, "I'm positive."
Like that? Here's another particle of humor. A neutron goes
into a bar and asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"
The bartender replies, "For you, no charge."
Oh, you'll drink to that one, huh? Try this. A six-foot termite
walks into a corner bar. He raps on the bar and asks: "Excuse
me...is the bartender here?"
Actually, I'd like to tell you the one about the mathematician
who took a student aside for a discussion, but then I'd be going
off on a tangent. Is that punny? Even if you tell me these math
and science jokes are perfectly average, I won't consider that
Some of the funniest sayings are spoken in all seriousness.
For instance, at the Grand Canyon National Park, people actually
put these questions to the Park Rangers:
"Do you light it up at night?"
"Is the mule train air conditioned?"
"Where are the faces of the presidents?"
"So, is that Canada over there?"
Not to be outdone, visitors to Mesa Verde National Park had
to know, "Why did they build the ruins so close to the road?"
At Carlsbad Caverns, "So what's in the unexplored part of
the cave?" And at Banff National Park, "Is that food
coloring in the lakes?"
aren't really meant to be joke sheets, but sometimes statements
get, well..."This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs.
Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar." Or "Potluck
supper. Prayer and medication to follow." Think I just lost
Some people like to send proverbs to friends and co-workers,
perhaps including them as signatures in their e-mail messages.
Here are some notable examples from a long list:
"Never try to leap a chasm in two jumps."
"Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they
won't come to yours."
"If the shoe fits, get another one just like it."
"A closed mouth gathers no foot."
"Experience is something you don't get until just after
you need it."
"Indecision is the key to flexibility."
"Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with."
"Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet
And..."He who laughs last didn't get the joke."
Barbara likes the
more subtle, literate, sayings such as... "One man's fish
is another man's poisson." I have to curry favor with my
editor because hers is often a rewording activity.
Here's one last story offered by Juan Lozano that should appeal
to you literary buffs. "A lion was walking in the jungle
and met two men, one sitting on a rock reading a book, the other
working at a typewriter. The lion ate only one. Which one and
He ate the man reading the book, because everyone knows that
readers digest and writers cramp."
May the farce be with you!
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